Thursday, December 23, 2010

Letting Go, Letting Go, Letting Go...

As I sit here with my coffee this morning, bags packed (mostly), Christmas lights glowing in the background and the kids watching Charlie Brown (again!) all is OK in our tiny little corner of the world.
The past few weeks have be so overwhelmingly stressful.  I've wanted to cry but for some reason couldn't - which is wierd because I'm admittedly  a very weepy kind of girl.  I just felt like I had to hold it all together.  We just can't get the sickness out of our house (more on that in a moment), I've had to work way more than normal (and at multiple times wanted to chunk an eggnog latte in someone's face!), and feel like  because of all of it we've barely enjoyed the most wonderful time of the year.  We've not been able to do a lot of the normal holiday things I love to do and have been so stressed doing the ones we have.  Tuesday afternoon it all came to a head.  I was in the doctors office to round out 5 appointments in less than 3 weeks when it hit me..
Why this only happens to us on the holidays I do not know.  Ryder's been battleing ear infections with no help from the antibiotic for 2 weeks.  And by the time we got there BOTH kids had ear infections in BOTH ears plus Ryder had a virus with over 103 fever.  The doctor ask me if I was willing to give him a big huge antibiotic shot.  Was I willing?!?!?  YES!  please, could we just all get one.  (Including the dog, he's probably next!)  This was a big daddy shot in both legs and they brought in 2 nurses for reinforcement.  As my baby boy was laying there held down on the table 4 days before Christmas  - there came the tears.  I've never cried when my kids got shots, but this was painful and he was looking at me, screaming with this helpless look... kinda how I feel like I've been looking at God lately.
At that point I let go.  I can't control it all.  I've done what I could.  I'm letting go of the rest.
I'm letting go...
of the fact that I haven't cooked dinner for nights and the kids might not have had the proper servings of vegetables.
of the fact that I haven't been to the Y all week and have had more than my share of salted carmel hot chocolate from work.
of the fact that the girl that shops all year is not done Christmas shopping.
of the fact that I've not been able to go to all the Christmas parties I wanted to this year.
of the fact that I'm not going to do any holiday baking, unlike some, I truly enjoy it.
of the fact that I've still not gotten to go to meet my sweet, sweet dear friend's new baby, Hudson.
of the fact that I might not be here when my sweet, sweet friend has baby Elle (although as I write this she is now IN labor!)
of the fact that I can't be there to hug my dear friend who's just found out her mother has cancer.
of the fact that we will not be able to please everyone this holiday with the crazy Christmas day schedule we have to try to keep.
of the fact that my house is a complete disaster and will be that way when we get back on Monday.
of the fact that this list could go on for 3 blogs.

All that to say, Christmas is here.  It came really fast this year and although there are only a few days left,  I'm letting go. 
Letting go now and with simple, childlike faith, letting that little baby in a manger take control.  

Today in the town of David a Savior has been born to you; he is Christ the Lord...  Glory to God in the highest and on earth peace to men.
Let Go. And have a very Merry Christmas.

1 comment:

Erin said...

I feel every single feeling that you expressed here in this post. We have had a very difficult 8 weeks also - won't go into all of it - but, Christ has come so that we might have life and life abundantly. I am trying hard to let it all go too. I hope you and your family have a beautiful Christmas. And, my child stopped eating dinner all together for some weird reason (phase I am sure), so I know he's not getting his veggies! As my hubby says, "it's all good"!