All About the Allens: Our Valentines for G

I vowed from the day Gibson died we would find a way to celebrate him & include him in special days. I've always loved Valentines. Call it commercial or whatever you want, but a day to celebrate the ones you love? I'm all about it! :) So a couple days before we were writing Ryder's valentines for school and he so sweetly asked if he could make one for Baby Gibson. I smiled, said that was sweet and made sure he understood we couldn't really send it to him. Then I told the kids I'd think of some way to celebrate Valentines Day with him...

We decided to take them to a park and let them them release red & white balloons for Gibson. They loved the idea. They had all kinds of questions about heaven, travel time of balloons and the possibilities of attaching a cookie to the balloons for him as well. ;) They asked if Gibson could see them, touch them, etc. All to which we answer, "Well, we're not sure, but he knows you LOVE him!"

That afternoon each of the kids colored a sweet little heart to attach.

Paisley's was all purple of course, with a happy little sun in the middle.

When I handed Ryder his heart he said, "Can I make it a broken heart?" A little caught off guard I said, "Well, yes I guess." He drew the line down the middle and said, "Because I'm heartbroken about Gibson." I don't know where he heard that, but of course it melted MY heart.

He wrote out "I LOVE YOU GIBSON" on the other side.

After Daniel came home from work we headed to a nearby park where we've taken family pictures before. It was a beautiful crisp sunset. I was worried it would be too emotional for my heart to handle, but like many things with kids the chaos overtakes some of the emotions! :) It was a very sweet time though.

One day back in the fall while I was driving back and forth to the NICU the song 1000 Years came on the radio. The words pierced my heart. I pictured hearing it as I took Gibson home one day. As the months went by I heard it periodically and it still got to me. Then I heard it the day before Valentines and it had a whole new meaning for me. A new meaning of how I loved him. A new meaning of how I love Ryder & Paisley. A new meaning of how I love Daniel. A new meaning of how we love in general.

Heartbeats fast

Colors and promises

How to be brave

How can I love when I’m afraid to fall

But watching you stand alone

All of my doubt suddenly goes away somehow

One step closer

I have died everyday waiting for you

Darling don’t be afraid I have loved you

For a thousand years

I’ll love you for a thousand more

Time stands still