Today while I was cleaning lipstick off crystal glasses in the kitchen, baby in the floor in her bouncer gazing at me, tree lights glistening in the background my Christmas pandora music took a slight detour and threw in just a hint of Great Is Thy Faithfulness. While wiping the last remnants of a sweet party with friends off the counter and floors I was reminded of that truth. He is so faithful. In the joy & the pain of the season.
Christmas is tricky with my emotions. Especially this year for me. The season is filled with such hard memories. Such stark realities and thoughts run through my head while in the midst of celebrations. A couple weeks ago was the 2 year mark. 2 years since I stroked his sweet cheeks and kissed his head and wept as I said goodbye. However, this year has been such an amazing year of renewing. Amazing rebirth, amazing NEW memories. And how can I not give thanks? Yet how can I not grieve?
It's so weird to feel distinct pain and extreme joy simultaneously. On the 6th of December I mourned that loss all over again while gazing at my BEAUTIFUL new baby girl. Sunday we sang a song about heaven... tears streaming I could picture him and long for that day when I get to see him, but somehow I choose and WANT to be present with my babies now. And you know what? That's ok. God doesn't ever ask us not to grieve. He asks us not to grieve as those that do without hope.
Because we have a THRILL of HOPE.
When He sent Jesus to be born in that manger God knew there would be pain ahead. That's the crux of it. There would be JOY in His birth, pain in His death, and HOPE in his resurrection.
I looked for a card this year that said "The Wonders of His Love." Because that's what we're in the midst of. It doesn't make sense.
But that's the wonder of it all.
Merry Christmas. May you feel that love this Christmas.
