Turning SIX.

Our sweet first born is turning 6 today!!!  How could that be possible?

We've been in our new house for about 10 days and last night after he went to bed I lined the stairway with streamers & balloons.  The grin on his face this morning was priceless.

Sunday I took him to a friend's birthday party after church so I had a little one on one time with him, which is rare these busy kindergarten days.  We sat and ate lunch at La Madeline and I stared across the table at his cute shaggy headed, wiggly tooth, bruised & scratched up little self.  If there's one thing I know for certain about the little guy is that he will make an amazing husband one day.  He thinks and worries about who he's going to marry, when he's going to get married and where he will live with his children more than any kid I've ever known.  He looked up at me sweetly and said, "So Mommy, are you having a good date?  What do you wanna talk about?"  I laughed and told him he was the second best date ever.

After we went to the birthday party we were driving home, it was a beautiful day, Ryder was quiet (again - rare!) and I was just thinking how lucky I was to be driving to our new home.  Suddenly he broke the silence and pierced my heart out of nowhere, "Did they try every medicine in the world?"  My heart sunk and I thought for a moment.  Assuming I hadn't heard him he said, "On Gibson, Did they try every medicine in the whole wide world?"  "Yes," I said, "They did everything they could for him."  He paused for a moment then said, "So then what was really the problem?"

An inquisitive six year old has questions.  Hard questions.  That rip off scars you think are healing while warming your soul at the same exact moment.  Because as much as I didn't want to have that little conversation at that very moment, it told my heart that his little tender heart was staring out the window on that sunny day thinking of his brother.

I wrote a blog almost exaclty 2 years ago called Celebrate Life.  It was a little before Ryder's birthday and although it was not public knowledge at the time I was pregnant with Gibson.  And the party I was helping out on that weekend was for a friend who had walked a similar path as I was unknowingly about to embark upon.  The blog was nothing fancy, just about parties and why I like to do them and the importance (that I knew little about at the time) of celebrating life.

This morning after he walked down the stairs we gathered around him for donuts & presents.  I took him to school and reminisced in the car about how he was THE cutest baby I'd ever laid eyes on - squishy, round, smiley and adorable in every way.  (That was before he could talk back, sass me & drive me completely bananas!!!)  As I drove home I thanked God for SIX healthy years!!!  Something in me ached as it always does on days like this.  That haunting thought of never celebrating a 6th birthday with G.  That question of what he would be like at 6.  Sometimes I watch moms with healthy little babies running around and something in me cries, "DO YOU HAVE ANY IDEA what a miracle they are?!?"  Seriously, it is a miracle they grow inside of us and overcome everything they do and thrive and grow.  It truly is.

I'm just once again reminded they are ours on loan.  They are truly HIS.  A gift... and one worth celebrating.

We celebrated all day and tonight Ryder said, "Mom, I'm gonna remember this day for-EVER."

Me too, buddy.